How to master the art of saying 'No'.

The Project Brief, Saturday, December 2nd, 4 min read.

When you're working on a project, you've probably noticed that there's no shortage of situations where you have to give an answer where there may be consequences.

First, get into the habit of never answering on the spot. Requests made in the context of an ongoing project usually require some thought, as they may affect elements of the project that weren't obvious at the time.

Above all, don't give in to pressure from a colleague or a client to give an immediate answer on the pretext that the analysis is simple and the conclusion is obvious.

It's an old tactic to rush into an answer in order to put yourself in a position where you may not be able to back out later. Whether this tactic is used intentionally or not, it's you who bears the consequences of your decision.

Taking time to respond also allows the person who made the request to further mature his or her thoughts. Sometimes you may find that the request magically disappears, but at other times it may gain even more momentum. Keep in mind, however, that these requests would probably have come up later anyway.

Early in my career, I developed the habit of taking time to think about every request I received, even if the answer seemed obvious at first glance. Admittedly, I was often pressured by a supervisor to give an immediate answer.

When I could, I honored my request for time to think.

However, I have been in several situations where circumstances demanded an immediate decision. On more than one occasion, I had to respond under pressure and make a decision that would have been different and less consequential had I considered the question carefully.

These experiences have made me cautious in my personal and professional life. When in doubt, abstain. When that pressure to answer comes up again, I'm naturally inclined to say no, no matter how authoritative the person in front of me.

And I'm well aware that giving a negative answer to someone in a position of influence could have a negative impact on my career or simply on how that person perceives me in the future.

That's why I began to practice early to master ways to soften the message of refusal that I have to deliver to an individual or group, whether it's an answer that needs to be delivered on the spot or after a period of reflection.

Strategically, if you're about to refuse something to someone in a position of authority on one of your projects, it's a good practice to inform your organization and confirm their support before formalizing your response.

Here are the steps I always take to mitigate the negative impact of a negative response:

1. Begin by summarizing the request:

This first step is designed to confirm with the person that you've understood their request. It also gives you time to think about the question if you really can't answer it right away.

2. Explain your position:

Explain clearly and concisely why you should say no. If you've had enough time to think about it beforehand, you're in a good position to get your message across clearly.

But you may not have had enough time to think it through, and your arguments may be challenged. Again, this may be a tactic designed to force you to make a decision you don't fully control. In this case, take a step back and describe the checks you need to make before you can give an informed answer.

3. Suggest an alternative, if possible:

If it makes sense, propose an alternative solution that could meet the request. This shows that you're open to finding solutions, but more importantly, that you've mastered the issue and know the limits of what can be done to accommodate the person.

But beware: this alternative suggestion can often be taken as an invitation to ask for more. You'll need to repeat the reasons you gave in step 2 to explain the limits of what you can do.

4. Conclude positively:

Conclude your response by reiterating your willingness to continue to find solutions for the future and that you will try to accommodate other requests, but always within the limits of what you can do and in line with the established goals.

It is important to be able to respectfully explain the reasons why the request cannot be met in full or in part.

Take advantage of the concessions you can make and reiterate the reasons why it is not possible to fully agree to the request if the person is trying to get more than you can agree to.

The point is to maintain open communication despite your refusal, and to preserve the good relationships that are essential to the success of a project.

Did you like what you read? If you have any comments, please don't hesitate to write to me. I'm open to any suggestions that might improve the quality of the information contained in this text!

Have a nice week!

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